Always

So I'm visiting my best friend over the weekend :) I really can't wait to spend all that time with her. We haven't really had a girls weekend for a pretty long time. And well I didn't really have any friends time in a long time either.
I'm just so excited :D however we are up for a long weekend of talking, going shopping and watching movies until our eyes are watering.
We are also up for a Harry Potter marathon in homage an Alan Rickman who just died from cancer. His great work in the wizard series will hopefully be admired and loved in generations to come. He contributed a lot to the world of movie and theatre and will ALWAYS be remembered by many.
To say it with the words of Shakespeare: "Now cracks a noble heart.—Good night, sweet prince,

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!—"

"Music expresses that what cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."
-Victor Hugo

Carlton Hill Edinburgh Scotland

The lone wolf dies

I have to admit something. I don't know how this came to happen but somehow I'm losing the connection to those people closest to me. It happens slowly sometimes and sometimes rather quickly but no matter how it happens it's always scary as heck. But when it happens slowly you wake up one morning and you realize that your and your friend's life to different turns at some point. My life developed in a very weird direction. I went from being a loner, to having very few friends, to having some more friends, to being an even bigger loner.
But somehow now I actually realize how unfullfilling my life is. Being alone isn't a problem as long as you don't realize how much better not being alone is.
When my boyfriend went back to America I thought things wouldn't change. I thought we would be fine and we would make it through this without any problems. Well I was very wrong.
He took a job third shift at a supermarket working 10-6 couple nights a week.
I get to talk to him on his breaks at 8 and 10 in the morning my time (German time). Then he sleeps for a while. Sometimes through the whole day. And I sit at home waiting for him to finally be there to talk to me again. I know he's trying but I can't help but feel very left alone. He will be back in February finally and I hope the time until then goes by fast because I can feel how he's slipping away. I don't even know what to talk to him about. I don't have a place in his old "new" life and he doesn't have a place in mine either. We kinda just talk over the other persons head a lot of a time and get frustrated when the other doesn't understand what's going on or what we mean. We fight. Not big fights but small ones that still leave a bleeding cut in your heart. I'm constantly surrounded by all of the things we shared together. Pictures, his art stuff and computer, his clothes and deodorant. It makes it feel as if he is here although he's not and that makes it just hurt and makes me miss him even more.

Philosophical Me

Hey you, yes I mean you, what are you doing here? Are you here to escape your own life for a little while through reading about mine? I'm not so sure that's gonna work. Because to be honest as of lately my life started a pretty nice downswing.
When I was in America in 2012 I met the most perfect and wonderful boy I could ever imagine. And through some miracle we ended up together. After many ups and downs and almost 2 years of long distance relationship he came to Germany in February of 2015. However he had to return to the States this past October and ever since then my life has been kinda miserable. I basically lost the joy in my life. All the things I used to do in my free time just don't fullfill me anymore. I used to read, play computer games or listen to music. All I do now is work on stuff for university, clean or tidt my apartment, resort my things for the 100th time or binge watch TV shows but not for enjoyment, simply for having watched all the episodes. Everything seems rather senseless. I keep rethinking the decisions that led me here and I wonder whether I made myself miserable or others. But in the end I always get to the same conclusion. It's already too late to go back. I am too far gone to turn my life around.